Ok so I am sure that many of you have noticed the person in the first spot of my friends list.. His name is Josh and he is the coolest person besides my best frends. He has had a lot of crap thrown at him in the last like 3 month but yet he still manages to crack jokes and take everything in stride...for that i give him kudo's... he has also made me have some what of a thing for him.. I read his rants, or talk to him and i cant help but smile...there is just something about him that no matter how crappy my day has been he can always make it better.. So Josh this is for you.. you make my day no matter how bad things get.. I love ya alot babe!!



Now for my next issue on the list.. My father..or the man who says he's my father. I saw him today he just got divorced for the second time for the same reasons that my mother left him. He is to controling and he has some major issues...boy am i glad i am like my mother....he doesnt want to work and he just mooches off the people around him..he has pissed off his family to the point that they want nothing to do with him... he has also pissed off his friends to where some of them have even changed thier phone numbers...what kind of shit is that.. can we say obsessive...my father was never there for me emotionaly or physically and when i was younger he did a real job on me mentally telling me that i was worthless, ugly, would never amount to anything...and for a freaking long time i believed him.. finally i have told him what he did to me, my mother, my stepmom and my stepsister was uncalled for and unappropriate and that he can burn in hell for all eternity...honestly i dont talk to him, i never call him, and if he was to die i most likely wouldnt give a damn...I am not going to say sorry for being cold hearted twords a man who himself is a coward that he has threatened to take his life so many times and still cant do it.. some day he will want to be the father he never was and when that day comes ill be drinking margerittas on the beach somewhere cause he will be dead....



and lastly the subject yet again of my ex.. saw him today also.. that is a meeting that i could have done without..apparently he saw my page and demanded to know who all these guys where on my friends list and who the guy was that i kept talking about in my rants..when i explained everything to him...which i dont know why i wasted my energy it wasnt even worth it.. he then preceeded to ask me if that me and this guy where dating and if we where how could it be so soon after we split.. HELLO!!! Wherent you the one that told me that you no longer loved me and to get the hell out because you wanted to be with some other woman and now you are telling me that i moved on to fast...lol that is rich.. anyways i am not dating that guy and all though i do like the idea of dating him very much.. for right now there are somethings that i need to concentrate on... but who said i cant be friends with him with the possiability of more.. that would be nice..



well that is plenty for tonigh....i am sure that there will be more everntually....as for Josh..you know i love ya and i hope that everything is ok with what was going on tonight keep me posted..